Never Trust A Duck: Is There Truth To Will Herondale's Words?

Friday, January 8, 2016



Never trust a duck. Is there truth to Will Herondale's words? I don't know, let's examine the evidence for our hypothesis.

 

I've had my own bad experiences with ducks: When I was in California about a year and a half ago, I went to the San Diego Zoo. While I was there, I thought it a good idea to feed some of the ducks and flamingos. I don't remember if it was allowed or not. I fed them. The flamingos didn't give any trouble at all. In fact, they were relatively friendly. On the other hand, the ducks were... aggressive. I fed one and it sort of... bit me. I vowed never to feed another duck again. 

Back home, when I drove my sister to school I would always have to stop and wait for the slowest ducks to pass. They walk-sway so slow, I want to honk the horn at them but I don't what people to think I'm some inhumane animal hater, so I just sit and wait very patiently. But I swear it's the ducks. They have something against humans.

 

The alternative hypothesis for this situation is that I might just have a general bird problem. Here's a random journal entry I wrote about birds at 5 am:


"Why is it that birds chirp in the morning? Do they sleep at night? Do they're natural patterns of sleep differ from humans'? I'd their circadian rhythm messed up. Do they not chirp at night because they take our sleep into consideration, or do they fear our obvious domination over not just bird-kind, but most of the other species as well? If so, then they shouldn't strain themselves to keep from chirping at night because they freaking chirp at freaking 5am anyway so why bother?!?!?! Now I'm beginning to understand what is now Will Herondale's not so unreasonable hatred towards ducks, more generally birdkind. Is communication really so vital at 5am? Can't they wait until the rest of the inhabitants of the Earth have woken up?!? Honestly!"

I remember being tired, confused and frustrated, it was a wonder I made sense writing this tangent. Anyway, I hope this was enough to prove to you that ducks are evil! Never trust a duck and birds generally, because there is truth to William Herondale's words. You never know what they're plotting.

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